Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
