y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
