I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
