I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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