I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
