is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
