sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize