It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
