Your mouth is God's brothel.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
