I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
