i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The best revenge is premature balding
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
