And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
