bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
