oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize