I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
