The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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