Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
