So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
