I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
