there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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