How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize