yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
