Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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