I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
