Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
