i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
