I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
