Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
