Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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