he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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