dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
