in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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