theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize