im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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