just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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