Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
