Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
