She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
