The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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