I hate your face
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
