Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you win again, gameday.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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