i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize