so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
