So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
