I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
