Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
