Sry I called you an 8
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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