oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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