I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
two words...techno handjob
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
