we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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