Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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