Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
