Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
