At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
