I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
