And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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