where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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