my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
