I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
