My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
