Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
