So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
