y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hippo gnu deer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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