i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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