Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i think my cat just said my name.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
