he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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