Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
